Oct

14

Garland Stewart’s ‘Say Uncle’ Should Be Required Reading for Mommy Bloggers

Filed Under Book Review, Gays, Parenting | 1 Comment

If you’re as sick of mommy bloggers who do nothing but pimp baby toys and complain about their lack of sleep as I am, you’ll love Garland Stewart’s book Say Uncle. Stewart’s book should be required reading for every mommy blogger in America, especially those who think dirty diapers and teething babies are the worst parenting experiences in the world.

Garland Stewart never wanted to be a parent. He’s a single gay man who wanted to make lots of money, travel the world and meet beautiful men; instead, Stewart ended up parenting his five nieces and nephews, broke and settling for anonymous sex at his local small town Mississippi secret hookup spot. Say Uncle chronicles Stewart’s experiences as an inexperienced pseudo father who struggles with his desire to run as far away from Mississippi as possible and his obligation to raise his drug-addicted sister’s five children.

Readers learn that Stewart experienced childhood sexual abuse at the hands of his closeted gay stepfather – a man who Stewart eventually develops a dysfunctional love-hate relationship with. Stewart also tackles issues like: proper ways to discipline children, raising ornery teenagers who hate you, raising someone else’s ornery teenagers who hate you, and being a homosexual in the deep south.

Even though Stewart’s book tackles serious real-life issues, readers will find themselves laughing constantly – from page 1 to page page 207.

Sep

2

Right Wing Nutcases Encourage Kids to Skip School – And Make Signs Protesting the Gay Rights March

Filed Under Bitch Slap, Parenting, WTF? | 9 Comments

One of my Facebook friends posted a link to a right wing nutcase forum post promoting September 8, 2009 as National Skip Day because (on that day) President Obama will deliver a national address directly to students on the importance of education:

Apparently, Our Beloved Leader, Barack Hussein Obama, the most merciful, Lion of the Masses, Protector of the Common Man and Omnipotent Parental Figure, will give an address on September 8 to America’s school children. The audience will be all children, preK-12. In protest of the forced ObamaTV viewing in classrooms across the nation everyone is encouraged to participate in a National Skip Day and keep your kids home. Take the opportunity to teach your kids true life lessons and not subject them to Obama propaganda. Maybe even use the day to make protest posters for the 912 March on DC!!

These anti-Obama and anti-gay religious nutcases are also encouraging parents to keep their kids home and let them make anti-gay protest posters they will use at the DC gay rights march in October. They might as well go all out and encourage their kids to make KKK costumes as well – costumes they will wear while carrying their protest signs at the gay rights march. I’m guessing a lesson on how to light a gay-friendly church on fire will be a part of these people’s September 8 National Skip Day, too.

So, here’s what anti-Obama parents will teach their kids on National Skip Day:

1. Some white folks really hate the fact that our nation’s leader is NOT white
2. Education is only important when a white man says it is
3. Gays don’t deserve full equality
4. The president’s message is only important if said president is white

I don’t know about you, but that looks like some really shitty homeschoolin’ to me.

Aug

18

Dear Teenage Son: No, You Can’t Have Sex In My House

Filed Under Parenting, WTF? | 6 Comments

I haven’t done a parenting post in ages, but that doesn’t mean my teenage boys haven’t given me plenty to write about, like: the time my 16 yr-old was placed on electronic monitoring, or the time I locked my 16 yr-old outside with his pillow and sleeping bag because he missed curfew, or the time the same 16 yr-old was picked up by the police at 8:30am for skipping school, or the time . . .

My son (let’s call him Juvie Delinquent – JD) is very popular with the ladies. I often ask him to turn the ringer off on the house phone because I get sick of hearing it ring. JD has a very jealous girlfriend who completely flips out when he takes more than 60 seconds to return her call (because she’s sure JD’s on the phone with another girl). JD and his girl (we’ll call her Nutcase) bicker constantly and sometimes I’m forced to send Nutcase home because they get so loud and obnoxious. Last night, JD and Nutcase decided it was okay for Nutcase to spend the night – in JD’s room, in JD’s bed.

What.the.fuck?

Since when . . .

What.the.hell?

Last night I went to bed pretty early and I told JD and Nutcase that she would have to leave no later than 10pm. I woke up pretty early this morning (5am) to get some work done. At about 8am, I noticed Nutcase was sleeping in JD’s bed. I woke him up and asked, “Did she spend the night here?” He said, “No, she came back really early this morning.” I said, “Really? How early? What time?” He paused. I waited for him to answer but he kept quiet. I said, “I was up at 5am so unless she came before then, she’s been here all night.”

I sent Nutcase home and told her she couldn’t come back for awhile.

What’s going on with kids these days? I was talking to my ex-girlfriend a week ago and she told me her girlfriend’s 18 yr-old son moved out the house because he was mad he couldn’t do the nasty with his girlfriend in his room. It’s his room, right – so he should be able to use it for the nasty, right?

Wrong!

No one gets to do the nasty in my house but me. I pay the bills, so I get to do the nasty where I pay the bills. That’s pretty much the way it works; but, for some reason, teenagers don’t get that.

I’m wondering about Nutcase’s mom. She didn’t notice her 16 yr-old daughter wasn’t home last night? Probably not, since I didn’t notice she was in my son’s bed all night.

Aug

12

U-Haul Lesbian Syndrome, Facebook Crap, Lesbian and Gay Site of the Week

Filed Under Facebook, Lesbian Podcast, Parenting | Leave a Comment

She Said, She Said is a podcast featuring lesbian couple Genia Stevens and Andrea Kleinheksel. Genia is the host of SistersTalk Radio and Andrea is the assistant producer.

In tonight’s segment, we discuss:

* Baby names – and why you should put more thought into naming your child
* Funny stuff we found on Facebook
* Annoying stuff on Facebook
* U.L.S: U-Haul Lesbian Syndrome (how to recognize the symptoms)
* What happens when one lesbian couple decided to avoid the U-Haul syndrome
* The gay rights equality march in Washington (October 2009)
* The ‘Name my Blackberry’ contest
* Lesbian web site of the week
* Gay web site of the week

Download the podcast now.

Listen to more SistersTalk Radio. Follow SistersTalk on Twitter. Add SistersTalk on Facebook. Contact Genia with comments.

Aug

6

Espin.com Pimps Teen Dating Site on Gay Adult Social Network

Filed Under Parenting, Social Media, WTF? | 16 Comments

On GayWallet.com tonight, I saw a Google ad for a web site described as “Gay Teen Virtual Dating.” What.the.fuck – right? A web site that blatantly encourages online dating for teens? Hell, adults haven’t even figured out how to do that well yet.

Anyway, I couldn’t help myself; I had to know what the web site was all about. Clicking the link took me to an Espin.com landing page that doesn’t say a single thing about gay teens. One might guess you would be able to find gay teens because the system asks you to choose if you’re a “chick” or a “dude” looking for a “chick” or a “dude.” But, my question is this: Why is this site being marketed on a gay social network comprised mostly of adult members of the LGBTQ community?

I was curious if the site was restricted to teenagers and college-age users, so I registered. Guess what? I was able to use my real age (36) and register without a problem. View the screen capture. What.the.fuck – right?

I see big trouble ahead for this web site and its users. If Espin.com is marketing their web site on a gay social network designed for adults, where else are they marketing this web site? Is Espin.com purposely pimping its teen users to adults looking for a little illegal and kinky fun online? So far it certainly looks that way.

Espin.com, in its own defense, would point people to their “Don’t Be an Idiot Online” video. This video is designed to teach the basics of how to be safe online. Just because they post an online safety video doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be liable for horrific things that happen on their site – especially since they’re purposely driving adult traffic directly to a teen social network by advertising on inappropriate web sites.

Come on, let’s be honest. Any adult who clicks on a link that says “Gay Teen Virtual Dating” is up to no damn good – well, except me, of course.

I monitor my teenagers’ activity on MySpace by checking their friends list and their email on a regular basis. If I can’t login to check their account anytime I want, they’re not allowed to have one. I would never give them permission to join a site that’s designed specifically for teen online dating. You have to be the shittiest parent in the world to allow that. Your parenting skills need some work if you allow that kinda thing to happen.

Apr

4

Never Come Out to Your Kids at Soccer Practice

Filed Under LGBT, Parenting | Leave a Comment

How some parents come out to their kids.

Feb

25

Bill to Ban Smoking in Cars with Kids Gains Momentum

Filed Under Parenting, Politics | Leave a Comment

My response to this article sounds like someone who’s suffering from a serious case of bi-polar disorder:


Smoking is already banned in places like bars where only adults can go, so some Minnesota lawmakers say it only makes sense to outlaw smoking in vehicles when children are present.

A Senate committee approved the bill Wednesday after a doctor and an 11-year-old asthma sufferer testified that children are especially vulnerable to secondhand smoke in a car.

My initial knee jerk response to this article was “Hell yeah! Smoking in a car where children are present should be banned.” Giving birth to a child doesn’t automatically grant you the right to place that child’s health at risk.

But wait . . . I know what bleeding heart liberals will say. “First, it’s against the law to smoke in your own car when children are present. Pretty soon it’ll be against the law to smoke in your own home.” Blah. Blah. Blah.

In my opinion, a half-way decent parent would never knowingly do anything to risk their child’s health. It’s pathetic that the government needs to tell some parents (actually, a lot of parents) that second-hand smoke will cause their children serious health problems.

Do we want the government giving us parenting advice? Probably not. Is it necessary for some people? Absolutely.

Feb

2

What’s With the F Grade in Careers?

Filed Under Parenting | Leave a Comment

It’s that time again.

My 14 yr old’s grades came in the mail today. AR got an A in Art (no surprise there at all), an A in Physical Education (again, no suprise), a C in Science and English, a B in Social Studies, and an F in Careers.

What? An F in Careers? For real?

AR and I had the following conversation:

Me: What the fuck is up with the F in Careers? You don’t plan on having one so you figured, Fuck it?

AR: It’s supposed to be a D.

Me: Really? And how’s that better than an F?

AR: It’s passing.

Me: Seriously, what’s the problem in Careers?

AR: My teacher is too soft. He’s not hard enough on me. He doesn’t yell at me like my other teachers.

Me: Really? I suppose I’m too soft on you too since you don’t seem to worry about me seeing an F on your report card. Besides, teachers aren’t parents. Yelling at you is my job.

AR: (silence)

Me: If you can get a C in Science, you can certainly get an A in Careers – because you hate Science and Careers can’t possibly be harder than Science.

AR: (silence)

Me: No internet past 8 o’clock. Get your homework done and shut down your laptop.

AR: Aww man! That’s not fair. It’s not my fault.

Me: I know. It’s never your fault.

AR is an intelligent young man and he’s an extremely talented artist. See his art work here. I’m assuming he’s bored stiff in Careers and all he ever does is show up. I shouldn’t be too hard on him because I failed Typing class in middle school. I mean, come on. How hard could that class have been? I think I hated the idea that the class was full of girls who were all training to be somebody’s secretary someday.

My next parenting task for the day: find out why I haven’t seen any grades for my 16 yr old in 2 months.

Jan

29

Rest Up Mommy Bloggers, You’ll Get Yours

Filed Under Bitch Slap, Parenting | Leave a Comment

Ever had one of those days where you wanna drop-kick anybody who even looks like they’re thinking about saying something stupid? That was my day today.

My 16 year old son (CS) made his final court appearance today. He and his father got in a fist fight in May. I swear, when those two are around each other, it’s like watching two teenage boys fighting for the right to be called the Alpha Male. Daddy acts like a petty child and CS gets too big for his britches and starts pokin’ fun of Daddy’s manhood. It ain’t pretty.

I seem to have better control over my teenagers than their father does. I give ‘em the “I ain’t even playin’ with you” stare and they back down very quickly. I think I have that ability because I’ve always been the consistent disciplinarian – poppin’ their diapered asses anytime they threw a fit in the grocery store, commanding respect at every turn, and locking them out of the house when they miss curfew. When you’re a single woman raising two boys you have to make sure they know you’re both the Alpha Male and the Alpha Female in your home.

Anyway, while we were waiting to see the judge, there was a woman sitting next to me crying uncontrollably. I don’t know what her kid did, but my gawd he deserves an ass-whoopin’ for makin’ his Mama cry like that. I couldn’t stand watching her cry, but I completely understood her frustration. Kids will drive you to drinkin’. I know they will; I drink a lot.

And if the cryin’ Mama next to me wasn’t enough, my exhusband showed up with his bitch ass wife. They’re a pretty sad couple actually. He’s a materialistic jerk who will do anything you want him to do for a new pair of expensive shoes and she’s an insecure twit who mistakenly believes I am her competition. A word of advice to all new wives: if your husband’s exwife is a lesbian, she’s not the competition.

Step-mommy got upset because the judge wouldn’t allow her in the court room. She mistakenly believes that people actually give a shit about her opinion. She stormed off bitchin’ and whinin’. If I wasn’t busy pretending to be a nice person (in front of the judge, you know how that is), I would’ve yelled after her that she needed her own kids if she wants to be a mommy. She’s childless and doesn’t want to give birth to kids because she doesn’t want to get fat. I.shit.you.not. Hey, that’s her business. But, if she wants substitute kids, she can’t have mine.

Anyway, we got home and CS asked if he could stay out 1 hour past curfew tonight. I looked at him like he had a serious psychological issue. He said, “There’s no curfew in my probation rules.” I said, “No, but there is a rule that says you have to follow my rules here at home.” CS got lippy and I made his curfew 1 hour earlier than usual. “Don’t even mess with me tonight,” I told him.

I logged into Twitter and I saw several mommy bloggers complaining about the challenges of potty training. Those were the good ol’ days of parenting. All I had to worry about was dirty diapers, baby spit-up on my good sweater, and keeping them from eating everything they found on the floor.

Rest up, mommy bloggers. You’ll need all your strength once your precious little talking piece hits puberty. Good luck with that!

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