Dear White Gay Male Brothers:

Once upon a time, you were sitting at the top of the social class ladder – a spot that gave you the best possible view of (and access to) the world and all it has to offer. You had the best seat because you were a white male who the world assumed was a heterosexual.

And then . . . you came out. You told the world you were a homosexual. From there, your position changed drastically, pushing you from position #1 to a spot closer to where racial minorities and women are placed. That must’ve hurt like a bitch – and you couldn’t have seen it coming. There’s no way you saw it coming.

As a young boy, you might have grown accustomed to certain privileges, like: the assumption that you would head off to college, get a great job and marry a great girl. If you were a Black male, the assumption would’ve been you would father several illegitimate children and end up in prison. If you were a Black female, the assumption would’ve been that you would give birth to several illegitimate children and end up on welfare.

You probably never had to deal with store clerks automatically assuming you had sticky fingers just because of your race. You probably never had to deal with the police pulling you over to question you about how you acquired the nice vehicle you were driving – because white men always drive nice cars, right? You probably never had to deal with teachers automatically assuming you would be a troublemaker in class – because white kids are always perfect students, right? You probably never had to deal with a grocery store clerk automatically assuming you were using a food stamp card when you reached into your wallet at the checkout – because white people don’t need food stamps, right?

Now that you identify as a homosexual, you can no longer enjoy the privileges afforded to you when you were an assumed straight white man. If I were you, I’d be fuckin’ pissed, too! Rich people who lose it all suffer far more emotional pain than those of us who never had more than enough to live on – because they remember what it was like to have it all. I’m guessing white gay men who lose their place at the top of the social ladder are suffering from the stab of injustice far more than the rest of the gay community because the pain is so very unfamiliar. It aches and aches and you haven’t developed a coping mechanism for that kinda grief just yet.

Relax. I have great news. You get used to the pain and, over the years, it’ll become somewhat manageable. You’ll learn how to function in the world and keep the pain at a minimum. If you need some tips on how to survive through the rougher spots, ask a Black woman. She’s a pro at it.

In the meantime, I suggest learning how to work within a system of oppression to remove the oppression. If you need help with that one, ask a feminist – or a Black man, or a Black woman, or a Hispanic individual. They all have great pointers. And pay attention as they speak; you might actually learn something.

Regards,
Genia Stevens

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