Feb

25

YMCA Changing Membership Policy to Include Gay, Non-Traditional Families?

Filed Under Gays, LGBT, Lesbians, Politics 

This morning I woke up thinking, “I think I wanna take a water aerobics class at the YMCA.” Once I get a thought in my head, I run with it. By 8:30am, I was standing at the front desk at my local Beloit, Wisconsin YMCA completing membership paperwork.

I signed up for the Single Parent Household (SPH) membership: a one parent household that has dependents below the age of 18 (or age 23, if they’re still in college). Those dependents have to be people a single parent can legally claim on her/his federal taxes. A 6-month SPH membership costs $379 total.

While I waited for the front desk clerk to process membership IDs for me and my two teenagers, we engaged in idle chat about the weather and the economy. As a sidenote, I asked the clerk, “Does the Y allow same-sex domestic partners to take advantage of the family membership?” The clerk responded with, “No. We only allow a mom-and-dad household to use the family membership because that’s what a family is: a mom, a dad, and their children.”

What?

Is she for real?

A real family consists of a man and a woman?

I was in a great mood this morning and I wasn’t about to let some narrow-minded front desk peon ruin my day. I remained silent, finished up my paperwork, then headed home to think about how I would handle the situation.

At about 10am, I called the YMCA and asked to speak to the Executive Director, Mike Ace. I told Mr. Ace that I was offended by his front desk clerk who informed me that a real family consisted of a man, a woman, and their children. I told him that as a lesbian mother of two who is in a relationship with a woman, I was very offended by her comments. Mr. Ace apologized profusely and stated that he was sure the clerk never intended to offend me and that she was most likely only doing her job. Since the YMCA is federally funded 501(c)(3) organization, they are obligated to define family the way the federal government defines a family. Any federal funds the YMCA receives cannot be used to provide funding to non-traditional families not officially recognized by the federal government.

I want to pause for a second and (again) thank Bill and Hillary Clinton for giving the LGBTQ community DOMA:

1. No state (or other political subdivision within the United States) need treat a relationship between persons of the same sex as a marriage, even if the relationship is considered a marriage in another state.

2. The Federal Government may not treat same-sex relationships as marriages for any purpose, even if concluded or recognized by one of the states.

The second part of DOMA makes it impossible for same-sex couples to enjoy the same rights as married heterosexual couples – even at your local YMCA.

Mr. Ace informed me that even though the federal government does not allow their organization to use federal funds to provide discounted membership rates to same-sex couples, the organization has been discussing various ways to address the issue. One possible solution (and Mr. Ace did not make any promises about this) was to push some of the organization’s private funds over so they can be used to help same-sex couples offset the cost of their membership. Other non-traditional families (like unmarried heterosexual couples living with children, grandparents raising children, and divorced heterosexual couples still living together) will also be allowed to use private funds to help offset the cost of their membership.

Mr. Ace made it very clear that this has been an issue the YMCA has been addressing for a little while now. He also stated that all the Executive Directors for Wisconsin YMCAs will be meeting soon and the topic of non-traditional families is on the agenda. His final comment was, “How the YMCA views families is changing, but that change is coming slowly.”

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10 Responses to “YMCA Changing Membership Policy to Include Gay, Non-Traditional Families?”

  1. thomascwaters.com » YMCA Changing Membership Policy to Include Gay, Non-Traditional Families? : SistersTalk on February 25th, 2009 1:12 pm

    [...] YMCA Changing Membership Policy to Include Gay, Non-Traditional Families? : SistersTalk. [...]

  2. Matthe on February 25th, 2009 5:39 pm

    I am an Executive Director at a YMCA in San Diego and I have never heard about the Federal Funds excuse. We receive federal funds and we define “family” as “Any 2 adults living in the same household and any child under 18.”

    I applaud you for questioning these policies because I promise you they are not in place because of the federal government.

  3. Genia on February 25th, 2009 6:07 pm

    Really?

    Mike Ace made it sound like the YMCA’s family membership policy was dictated by the federal government.

  4. Genia on February 25th, 2009 6:10 pm

    Almost forgot.

    I heard a few years back that the YMCA in Madison, WI allowed same-sex couples with children to sign up as a family. I called both locations in Madison to verify, but neither Executive Director has returned my call yet.

  5. polerin on February 25th, 2009 11:56 pm

    Until very recently the middle Tennessee YMCA association had a very similar rule. My wife was given a really hard time with it and a cold shoulder.

    January 1 2009, they really REALLY changed the rates structure. Hopefully this can give you some more ammo in your discussion.

    As a side note, I have to take a second and say again, she got it right.

  6. Genia on February 27th, 2009 1:20 pm

    I just received a response to an email complaint I sent out:

    Dear Ms. Stevens, I wanted to respond to your blog and attempts to reach other area YMCA Directors about there policies regarding the Family membership. First, each YMCA is a independant organization, with a local board of directors. The local board of directors governs and sets its policies regarding fees, classes offered, and including membership catagories and definitions. When you and I spoke I may have mis spoke or did not properly make my comments to you clear. We are a federally and state tax exempt, and therefore we do follow the IRS and State definition of a family. You are right and here is where I may have mis spoke/informed you. We can still qualify for state and or federal funds and they do not restrict these funds in anyway based on someone’s family situation. For some of these programs which we receive either grants or scholarship funds for, we do not even ask the question, because it is a non issue. As I told you in my conversation with you, I will and am happy to take this issue to our Membership committee of our Board of Directors. There is a process and procedure to make change, it does not happen overnight and I do not have the ability to make some of these changes regarding policy without approval. I asked you to right me a letter so I can take it to our committee and also allow you to put it in your own words and not mine. I have also checked with a number of YMCA’s local and across the country, there appears to be some Y’s like ours who recognize the State and or Federal definition and also many who have changed to recognize any two adults living in the same household and any children who may live within that household. So I once again I encourage you to write me a letter, that I can present to our membership committee, our next meeting in which we will be able to have this on the agenda is scheduled for April 8th, 2009. I hope that you are willing to work with me. I fully respect your position on this matter and I promise to work with you and not against you. The YMCA is based on principles of being fair to all persons and working to better our community for all persons, and to build strong kids, strong families and a strong community, I look forward to working with you! Please call me if you would like to meet and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

    Sincerely,

    Mike Ace
    Executive Director
    Stateline Family YMCA Beloit

  7. Genia on February 27th, 2009 3:12 pm

    Paula Bratz, the Executive Director of the Roscoe/Rockton, IL YMCA responded with the following:

    Way to go Mike. :-) I did not respond. My statement is that whatever you claim on taxes is who you can claim on membership. Correct???? Paula

    I emailed her immediately and asked if I could quote her – no response. I get the feeling she was careless and accidentally included me on the reply to all.

    Did she openly admit that she wasn’t planning to respond to me?

    Why, I think she did!

    I’m still waiting to hear from the Executive Directors in Madison, WI.

  8. Abby on February 28th, 2009 1:12 pm

    Yeah, that federal funding excuse is B.S. Any decision to be controlled by the federal and/or state definition of marriage is entirely voluntary. The First Amendment protects the right of private membership organizations like the YMCA to choose who they will and won’t associate with. Having obtained 501(c)(3) status for one nonprofit (www.qsquaredyouth.org), I also know that there is no IRS requirement that such organizations discriminate against same sex couples. Besides, state and federal laws define “marriage.” The Y can define “family,” an entirely different concept not necessarily dependent on the existence of a marriage, for membership purposes anyway they want. I suspect this discriminatory policy is a legacy of the “Christian values” that led to the founding of the Young Men’s (and Women’s) Christian Association, their original name.

  9. polerin on March 1st, 2009 12:40 am

    I wish you the best in this fight, and the second response is purely horrible. I wonder if that board meeting is a public one. ;P

  10. Water Aerobics With Straight Old Women Can Be Very Interesting : SistersTalk on March 5th, 2009 11:14 am

    [...] ago I started a water aerobics class at my local YMCA. Minus the annoying front desk clerk and the shadey Executive Director, I’m having a great time. I’m doing 2 – 3 classes per [...]

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