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Womanist Musings- How to be a good ally February 8, 2012
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Feb
20
LGBT Equality is Coming, But It Won’t Happen Tomorrow
Filed Under Barack Obama, Gays, LGBT, Lesbians, Politics, Race, Women's Issues
A lot of people in the gay community are expecting President Obama to focus exclusively on issues related to the LGBT community:
While Obama’s official presidential website does highlight issues of workplace discrimination, expansion of hate crime laws to include attacks based on gender identity and sexual orientation, and combating the stigma of HIV/AIDS, these symbolic gestures aren’t enough. He must also appoint cabinet members and surround himself with people who can enact policies that affect the daily realities of many LGBT individuals.
If Obama surrounds himself with people whose main agenda is equality for LGBT people, then who will take care of people who have needs different than those related to sexual orientation? Women. Blacks. Hispanics. Disabled people. Children. The poor. The homeless.
I’m aware that the needs of the LGBT community have been largely ignored and often trampled on, but we can’t (and we shouldn’t) expect a complete about-face on LGBT issues. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 didn’t see full realization in the south until at least 1988. The high school I attended in Georgia wasn’t completely desegregated until 1988, when our high school principal announced he would no longer allow separate Black and white proms or separate Black and white homecoming queens.
It’s obvious to me that those people in the LGBT community (mostly white men) who are expecting – and almost demanding – equality right now have never known what discrimination felt like until they told the world they were gay. The rest of the LGBT community (non-white males) are very familiar with what discrimination feels like because we knew that feeling long before we told the world we were gay. Most of us are aware that it will take some time to see a significant change for the LGBT community.
Equality for the LGBT community is coming, but it’s not happening overnight. In the meantime, the LGBT community has to continue to push forward and insist that the needs of the LGBT community are not ignored. What we should never do is insist that our needs come before anybody else’s needs in this country. That’ll just piss a whole lotta people off.
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7 Responses to “LGBT Equality is Coming, But It Won’t Happen Tomorrow”
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“It’s obvious to me that those people in the LGBT community (mostly white men) who are expecting – and almost demanding – equality right now have never known what discrimination felt like until they told the world they were gay.”
I feel obligated to stand up for white gay men on this one. At a very early age I felt the effects of discrimination of all sorts. I can recall being called a “little f-ing faggot” at 5 years old, as in “Look at that little f-ing faggot playing with that doll.” People knew I was a homosexual before I knew I was a homosexual and I never understood why they were making fun of me. I listened without understanding as members of my extended family referred to African Americans by the hateful N word. I listened as my uncle explained why he won’t eat Chinese food because it’s made by “gooks.” I listened at family reunions while these “good Christian White folk” declared the sin of homosexuality to be punishable by death. I listened as cousins complained about missing a Klan rally for my grandfather’s funeral. With every one of their hateful remarks I felt smaller, more frightened and more hated. I cried almost every night for 3 years because I knew I was hated. That was my childhood, and every day I was worried that these people that claimed to love me would use me as a Christmas tree ornament when they found out. The discrimination is there always, even before you say the words, “I’m gay” – the difference is before you say those words you lose your self-worth and dignity. Once you say the words, you lose your job, your home and your loved ones.
Thanks for weighing in Jay. I appreciate your insight.
In my experience, lots of straight people were called “dyke” and “faggot” when I was growing up. That’s what kids do. It doesn’t make it right, but that’s what kids so. Until you confirm the accusation, it’s not true – and it most likely won’t hurt your job prospects, housing prospects, or safety. Let’s face it, straight white men have it good in this country. And until you say otherwise, you’ll always be “better” than anyone who is not straight, white and male.
I’ve always been Black and female and I’ve never been able to hide OR deny those facts.
this is a good discussion to have. i just hope we won’t get distracted with trying to decide who’s the most hated group of people (blacks, women, gays)
i agree with genia though. it’s different when you can’t hide or deny that you’re a black woman. a gay black person feels discrimination within her family and outside her family on top of the fact that her entire family is dealing with some form of discrimination.
Brenda:
I hope this discussion doesn’t turn into a nasty tit-for-tat too!
You mentioned the external and internal discrimination that gay Black females deal with. I remember when I was growing up, my grandmother talked a lot about working in the cotton fields for 16 hours a day – just to get a few dollars pay per day. I remember her talking about working as a “nanny” for the white folks who paid her shit for wages. I remember her talking about trying to excecise her right to vote in a district where blacks couldn’t even eat the same lunch counter with whites. I remember entering the doctor’s office with my grandmother through the “Blacks Enter Here” side of the building – years after the passing of the Civil Rights bill of 1964.
There ain’t a white gay man in this country that can say his grandparenst have the same stories to tell.
When I came out, my mother said, “Why would you want to be Black, female, AND gay?” No one has ever asked a white man, “Why would you want to be white, male, AND gay?” At least not in this country!
Discrimination is horrible. It doesn’t matter who it’s happening to. All I’m saying is that white gay men haven’t had to learn to be patient the way us Black gay females have.
I completely understand your point. You’re right that you can’t hide or deny that you are a woman or that you are black – but if you could, would you?
Just because I may be able to stand in a room and “hide” or “deny” my love for Christopher doesn’t mean I would, even at the risk of death. There would be no greater insult to the person I strive to be than to deny myself or continue to hide.
The level, type and amount of discrimination you experience as a black woman is undoubtedly very different from what I experience as a gay white man. Some of which I’m sure you understand as a lesbian. I can’t begin to fathom what life would be like as a black lesbian, but strive to understand in order to make it better.
I recall recently sitting at a table with a group of my brother’s friends that were not told I was a homosexual. I was with a very dear lesbian friend and I assume they believed we were a couple as we tend to sit close together when we go out and giggle a lot. One made a comment about “faggots” and to think I didn’t feel the effects at that moment because I didn’t say I was gay is wrong, just like when those words were thrown at me in my childhood. The difference is, as an adult, I immediately turned to him and said, “I’m one of those faggots.” I was ready to rumble over it and thought my friend was going to go over the table at the guy. The point here is that because I may be able to “hide,” albeit unintentionally, means I get to hear it first hand instead of behind my back. Most people would dare not say something so derogatory knowing [one of those people] is sitting right there.
As to those straight kids that get called faggot or dyke; they go home with the knowledge that it isn’t true. I was left with the burden of it being true and thus it was not just childhood insult. If someone were to call me a “gook” I would find it offensive, but would quickly be over it because I’m not an Asian and the term isn’t applicable. I would just say, “Gosh, what an idiot to call me something like that.” The name calling and other comments weren’t just from other kids either. I can remember many times hearing uncles preach against gays and even adults calling me faggot or explaining why boys can’t play the same games as girls. It always included a very stern and concerned look.
My partner, Christopher, recently went to a lecture held by holocaust survivors. During the Q&A someone asked them, when they first knew that they were hated by society. Their answers provide insight into this very topic. You can read the article he wrote at:
http://christophersays.jaysays.com/?p=25
The National Organization for Women often depicted with protest signs stating “EQUALITY NOW” was formed in 1966. The premise of Equality Now is hardly a new one and I believe it is more metaphorical than actual – but we can dare to dream, eh?
I find this topic really interesting and insightful.
Well, I didn’t see the other comments first, so now I get to go on. I certainly don’t think this is a “who is discriminated against the most” sort of conversation. YOU WIN (or lose considering the prize)! I just think it’s important to realize that you don’t have to declare yourself a homosexual to feel the discrimination of being a homosexual. Further, the mere perception of homosexuality is enough to get you beaten as recently proved in New York when two heterosexual brothers were beaten (one died) for their perceived homosexuality.
One of my friends and I have had open conversations about the discrimination she has faced in life [She's a heterosexual black woman]. She is around 60 and can remember segregation as well. She also recalls a story of her sister being brutally beaten for being a black kid in the white area. Her sister was treated at the hospital and although they were certain she should remain their for observation, she was released for being black and poor.
[...] already tackled what I consider white gay male priviledge, but I think Monica over at TransGriot has a viewpoint [...]